ItвЂ™s time to start thinking about dating, settling down, having a family.вЂќ Happy anniversary!вЂќДelia was usually pretty good about letting Lydia be herself, but there were certain things Lydia was sure she would never be able to let go. вЂњNow, IвЂ™m gonna go have sex with both of your ghost parents. She figured it had come from the Netherworld and promptly added it to her pajama collection. It hadnвЂ™t been altered or specially ordered. He got her a shirt that said вЂњworldвЂ™s best no-longer-a-child brideвЂќ. She got him a mug that said вЂњ#1 husbandвЂќ and had used all her artistic skills to sharpie in the word вЂdeadвЂ™ between вЂ1вЂ™ and вЂhusbandвЂ™. When Lydia was twenty-five, she and Beetlejuice got each other ten-year anniversary presents. вЂњUntil it stops being funny,вЂќ Lydia said, standing up and straightening her dress. вЂњHow many times are you two going to do that?вЂќ Adam asked tiredly from across the room. вЂњBetrayed by my own parents!вЂќ Lydia sobbed. He clasped her wrists with his hands to stop her. вЂњWho? Who stole you from me?вЂќ she cried, leaping to her feet. DonвЂ™t worry, itвЂ™s been going on for a long, long time.вЂќ вЂњAlas, my bootycalls were too sexy for me to resist their siren call. вЂњI know,вЂќ Beetlejuice said, throwing an arm across his eyes. вЂњLydia,вЂќ Beetlejuice said solemnly, hat in hand. вЂњSometimes I can still hear his voice,вЂќ Lydia said, wiping a fake tear from her cheek. вЂњQuit telling people IвЂ™m dead,вЂќ Beetlejuice complained, invisible to everyone but the Deetzes. I know heвЂ™d want me to stay faithful to him, though.вЂќ вЂњTragically, my husband died shortly afterwards. Lydia put a hand to her heart dramatically. Margery gasped, вЂњNo! Why havenвЂ™t I met him?вЂќ вЂњOh, Auntie,вЂќ she said with mock sincerity. Lydia fished around in her pocket for the wedding ring she kept there for this express purpose, slipping it on discreetly. Perfect for you-you simply must let me introduce you!вЂќ Lydia endured twenty minutes of prodding questions before Margery said, вЂњOh, and I nearly forgot: I met the nicest boy a few days ago. Lydia came armed and ready to this family reunion, and it was a good thing, too, because Aunt Margery came swooping in for the kill nearly as soon as she caught sight of Lydia. вЂњDo you think I can claim the sandworm as a dependent?вЂќ

There was a glint of mischief in her eye. Lydia smiled and stretched, looking up from her laptop for the first time in hours. вЂњHell yeah, cheat that system!вЂќ Beetlejuice cheered. вЂњIf IвЂ™m married, I get way more financial aid for college. вЂњLyds, if you summon me at 3 am one more time, IвЂ™m taking away your summoning privileges.вЂќ Lydia, a senior in high school and stressed out of her mind, summoned Beetlejuice in the middle of the night. (Obviously, this is a platonic fic, please do not tag as ship!) I love lesbian!Lydia as much as the next person with functioning brain cells and good taste, but I also kind of love aroace!Lydia who is perfectly content to be conveniently married to Beetlejuice because there are some pretty fun perks to it, even without any romance or anything. Sidras-tak: beej and lydia stay married, no romo

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